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He was into cutting everyone’s hair on the estate at one point. Always had an audience around him, especially girls. Most boys were into cowboys and indians, but if Tony had a chance, he’d be running up the road in my high heels.
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You didn’t even know you had him – I’d have to wake him up to feed him. I wanted to look the best I could afford.Īs a baby, Tony was as good as gold. You learn to get ready quickly when you’ve got kids – half an hour at the most. I used to straighten my hair with an iron! I’d always do it, no matter what. It was in our front room at home and Tony was about nine months old. She couldn’t trust me before, and now she can because I have no ulterior motives.
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She was always waiting for a phone call to tell her that her son was dead. Our relationship is much stronger now I’m sober.
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Even during the worst times throughout my crack addiction, we never lost touch. Whenever something bad happened, I didn’t grab a coffee or cigarette – I’d call my mum straight away. The lack of judgment in our relationship meant I knew she would always support me. And when it came to finding me dying on the floor at home at the pinnacle of my drug use, she knew exactly what to do and was never blinkered. Some parents might be in denial about their children’s sexuality, especially back then, but she wasn’t. But she also kept up with what was going on in the world. Partly because I’d buried Tom and my mum supported me through that awful process. When the Aids crisis happened, and I was diagnosed with HIV, Mum was really clued up. If Tony had a chance, he’d be running up the road in my high heels. If someone says: “Don’t do that! It’s really dangerous!” I’ll definitely do it. Most people have common sense I have uncommon sense. Is he doing this? Is he doing that?” I tried to keep a lot of it away from her – I knew taking drugs wasn’t the right thing. She’d call Sam McKnight and say: “I’m worried about Tony. George still knows Mum’s phone number off by heart. The only way Mum found out what I was getting up to was because she talked to all my friends. We’d be off our nuts and trying to hold it together in front of Mum and Dad.īy the time I’d come home I’d normally want to hide in my room. George would drive to my parents’ house so we could all get ready to go out together. I started clubbing when I was 14 and my circle of friends grew really quickly. She just let me be whoever I wanted to be. And when I was 11 she let me get my hair permed. I went to Margate when I was six and she let me buy some fake boobs. She always encouraged me, no matter how ridiculous my suggestions were. I used to run around the estate in drag, so I was hardly trying to hide it. There was never any need for me to come out as a gay to my mum. He was supportive, but a real big geezer and not at all who I aspired to be. I’d look at her and think: she’s so beautiful, my dad really doesn’t deserve her. When I was little, I’d dig through her jewellery box and clothes. I look at her now and think she’s just as amazing as she was back then, even if she’s shrunk a few inches.
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How she is in this picture is how I remember Mum growing up: glamorous.